Tom Waits thinks the windows at H&R Block are sexy.

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Tom Waits
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Tom Waits was rejected from The Traveling Wilburies for being "too dirty".

Tom Waits is the first known person to use the phrase "cool beans".

Tom Waits went out one night for a pack of smokes, and never returned.

There is no god, only Tom Waits when he's drunk.

* Tom Waits was Stan Lee's inspiration for Wolverine. He designed Sabretooth after Elvis Costello after seeing Tom Waits and Elvis Costello fighting in an alley.

* Tom Waits doesn't care about black people.

* Tom Waits was driving the car that hit Kanye.

* Tom Waits was also the driver that hit Stephen King.

* Tom Waits, in the library...with his bare hands.

* Tom Waits is the Unknown Soldier.

* Tom Waits regularly performs as Ron Perlman's stunt double.

* Tom Waits composed the song that Keyboard Cat plays.

* The talking butt routine in Ace Ventura: Pet Detective was the brainchild of Tom Waits.

* Tom Waits and Laurence Fishburne were Ang Lee's original choices for the leads in Brokeback Mountain.

* Tom Waits always leaves the toilet seat up.

* Tom Waits's gravelly voice is the result of years of performing oral sex on Vero Beach women.

* After being denied the role of Mutt in Indy 4, Tom Waits realized that he had been LeBoufed.

* Tom Waits called me a "faggot" on Xbox Live because I didn't know where the rocket launcher was.

* Imagine Tom Waits as Dr. Gregory House.

* Tom Waits was the inspiration for the character of Barney Stinson on How I Met Your Mother.

* New videogame: Guitar Hero Tom Waits

* God of War III: Tom Waits

* Unlockable character in Super Smash Brothers: Tom Waits

* If you think about it, Tom Hanks is like a handsomer Tom Waits.

* If you think about it, only Ron Perlman is a less handsome Tom Waits.

* Tom Waits is secretly working on a Dr. Dre covers album.

* Tom Waits has been writing novels under the pseudonym Dean Koontz for several decades.

* Tom Waits takes all his own pictures. In the bathroom mirror.

Imagine Tom Waits playing Vin Diesel's character in any film.